Monday 10 October 2016 around 5:30 pm
I’m gleaming with pride. I love my FINAL piece. I’ve just finished my ART exam. At first I’m overcome with a feeling of “I’m done forever, I never have to do this again, not another pastel, not another colour or pencil… Thank God!” Then ….. Like a wine glass hitting the marble floor as he finds out his wife is dead, I regret it all – the fact that I’m done forever. I don’t like my final piece anymore. As I spray it I’m forced to look at its mocking appearance dancing around the fringes of a failing mark. Confidence vanishes like the sun before a storm, except there is something infinite about it. Reaching out, I feign to touch it then retract my arm like a robot shutting down. Raising my head I scan the room for the last time. All the people I never bothered to talk to, those that I tried to converse with but failed and the few who I actually managed a conversation- they were all in the same boat. With an award winning smile plastered across my face I leave the room, without a wave, without a second glance, with each step taking me further away form that which threatens to reduce me to mere tears. Attached to strangers- funny. Walking to hostel, people inquire on how the exam was, I smile even wider and say it was okay – after all that’s what they expect me to say, why disappoint them. I don’t believe it. Despite it all there’s nothing more I could have truly done better.
I did the best I could, and I deserve to smile about it- and so I shall. Thank You God.